Uncertain Forward Progress

This morning feels like one of those difficult mornings. I’m sure that plenty of others have experienced them. The alarm goes off before the sun comes up, and the choice to plant one’s feet on the floor and strive to stand seems like the most difficult decision effort. On these mornings, my coffee cup is my security blanket, as much comfort as it is caffeination. Yawning is a full-body movement, a literal attempt to peel back the sleep from my body.

Second cup of coffee. I can’t tell if this is physical exhaustion or psychological exhaustion, but I’m willing to bet there are unhealthy doses of both that contribute to how I’m feeling. It’s time to sit down with my calendar today and plot out the “new” study schedule that will allow me to prepare for the next time I can take my comprehensive exams. It’s time to begin delivering all the audio that is expected of me, and it’s time to do that on a regular basis. It’s time to get back on the exercise routine and start being kinder to myself, since it’s the only truly controllable resource that exists.

I forced myself to sit down and put words on the page last night; somehow, I recycled an old piece of City of Heroes fanfiction into a little story about a fire mage, a scholar, and the binding of an ancient deity. Toward the end, I think I went off the rails. Finding the end of a story is always difficult for me, especially when it comes to the shorter pieces. I will have to rewrite the piece, that’s for certain. The upside to the story is that it serves as an exploratory side for a opposing viewpoint in my Wedderby world. This means that I managed to include magic in that ‘verse, so it can be more firmly placed in the ‘fantasy’ realm. It’s going to take a few more rewrites so I contain the story and the ideas more thoroughly, but it’s a start. At least I’m writing, yes?

Yes. Words on the page. Butt in chair, hands on keys, words on page.

I drafted the introductions for two of the podcasted series that I’m preparing to release. Yes, one of them is SWC, but the other is Broken. I would hope that folks give the latter a chance, if only because I want people to see what that world and its characters are like. Many of those ideas came from the same beginnings as SWC, but they went in a different direction. Both stories are done in the same “style” of narration, with voice acting mixed among straight narration. SWC is more Marvel-esque, while Broken is more Gotham City Central in the DC-verse. Both have healthy doses of science that stretch reality, but the cast in Broken is much smaller.

It might take another cup of coffee and a lot of self-forgiveness to get through the next couple of hours. “Finish the words,” says one voice. “Edit the podcast,” says another. “Get ready for the dayjob,” says a third. “Make time to study,” says a fourth. “You need exercise,” says the fifth. A half-dozen others whisper behind them, reminding me that I could stop writing now and tackle some of these demands.

At least science project season is over and Bear is done. Any time that I could have spent studying for my exams got deferred to that, because he’s only in sixth grade once and I refuse to leave him floundering for a project where he gets no guidance at school. I enjoy science, I enjoy research, and I enjoy communicating that research to others. At the same time, I detest the laboratory cookbook approach that gets pushed on kids at most science fairs. We spent days’ worth of hours talking about writing up research, how to properly analyze data, and what conclusions could be drawn from results. And at the end, I can’t help but wonder if the teachers are going to frown at him and mark him down because he didn’t prove his hypothesis correct.

What a day. It’s only 7AM as I finish typing this up. I confess, I worry about keeping a steady blogging habit like this because I don’t want to fall into a pit of rumination that perpetuates the state of being grumbly and overwhelmed. At the same, time, it’s important to write. It’s important to state stuff, digest it, and examine it as objectively as possible.

… I can see the bottom of my second cup of coffee. Time to get some audio edited so that I can finish up contracts and deliver on promises. Promises, I should note, that include those for myself as well as others.

This entry was posted on Monday, January 27th, 2014 at 7:10 am and is filed under writing. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

4 Responses to “Uncertain Forward Progress”

  1. P.C. Haring Says:

    I can’t wait for Broken. I’ve been looking forward to it ever since you first mentioned it to me and while I do have the Ebook for my Kindle, I’ve not yet had the chance to read too much of it. Even so, I like what I’ve read so far and very excited to hear you’re eventually putting it out in audio.

    As to the voices in your head, I share your pain. I can’t speak for you but I’ve found that the easiest way to handle them is to deal with them one at a time even if that means I have to schedule every minute of otherwise free time for days ahead in order to satiate all of them. It’s the curse of the creative no matter how well we can multitask in execution, our minds find a dozen other things for us to tackle.

    Take care of yourself first- physically and psychologically. Go to the gym and get some exercise. It’ll help you sort things out. You showed me as much a while back ago. From there things will fall into place and a plan will present itself.

    Small steps at first. Then as the clutter clears the rest gets easier to manage.

  2. Anne Elizabeth Baldwin Says:

    Don’t forget you can lean on other folks when you need some support. Sounds like you have lots of folks who’d like to help if you just let them. {soft smile, take hand, squeeze}

    Anne Elizabeth Baldwin

  3. Anne Elizabeth Baldwin Says:

    P.S. When you have troubles you need to get off your chest, blogs are great for that. However, when you don’t, they can share other things as well. At least that’s my own experience. {Smile, wink}

    Anne Elizabeth Baldwin

  4. Doc Coleman Says:

    I have to echo PC’s advice above: make some time to work out, or at least do what you have to do energetically so you’re getting some exercise. That little bit of physical helps the mental so much! I haven’t done formal workouts in a while, but all the furniture moving I have done lately has stimulated my brain. It is amazing what you can accomplish.

    And I know that you know that, but I figure that reminders don’t hurt.

    Doc