This morning feels like one of those difficult mornings. I’m sure that plenty of others have experienced them. The alarm goes off before the sun comes up, and the choice to plant one’s feet on the floor and strive to stand seems like the most difficult decision effort. On these mornings, my coffee cup is my security blanket, as much comfort as it is caffeination. Yawning is a full-body movement, a literal attempt to peel back the sleep from my body.
Second cup of coffee. I can’t tell if this is physical exhaustion or psychological exhaustion, but I’m willing to bet there are unhealthy doses of both that contribute to how I’m feeling. It’s time to sit down with my calendar today and plot out the “new” study schedule that will allow me to prepare for the next time I can take my comprehensive exams. It’s time to begin delivering all the audio that is expected of me, and it’s time to do that on a regular basis. It’s time to get back on the exercise routine and start being kinder to myself, since it’s the only truly controllable resource that exists.
I forced myself to sit down and put words on the page last night; somehow, I recycled an old piece of City of Heroes fanfiction into a little story about a fire mage, a scholar, and the binding of an ancient deity. Toward the end, I think I went off the rails. Finding the end of a story is always difficult for me, especially when it comes to the shorter pieces. I will have to rewrite the piece, that’s for certain. The upside to the story is that it serves as an exploratory side for a opposing viewpoint in my Wedderby world. This means that I managed to include magic in that ‘verse, so it can be more firmly placed in the ‘fantasy’ realm. It’s going to take a few more rewrites so I contain the story and the ideas more thoroughly, but it’s a start. At least I’m writing, yes?
Yes. Words on the page. Butt in chair, hands on keys, words on page.
I drafted the introductions for two of the podcasted series that I’m preparing to release. Yes, one of them is SWC, but the other is Broken. I would hope that folks give the latter a chance, if only because I want people to see what that world and its characters are like. Many of those ideas came from the same beginnings as SWC, but they went in a different direction. Both stories are done in the same “style” of narration, with voice acting mixed among straight narration. SWC is more Marvel-esque, while Broken is more Gotham City Central in the DC-verse. Both have healthy doses of science that stretch reality, but the cast in Broken is much smaller.
It might take another cup of coffee and a lot of self-forgiveness to get through the next couple of hours. “Finish the words,” says one voice. “Edit the podcast,” says another. “Get ready for the dayjob,” says a third. “Make time to study,” says a fourth. “You need exercise,” says the fifth. A half-dozen others whisper behind them, reminding me that I could stop writing now and tackle some of these demands.
At least science project season is over and Bear is done. Any time that I could have spent studying for my exams got deferred to that, because he’s only in sixth grade once and I refuse to leave him floundering for a project where he gets no guidance at school. I enjoy science, I enjoy research, and I enjoy communicating that research to others. At the same time, I detest the laboratory cookbook approach that gets pushed on kids at most science fairs. We spent days’ worth of hours talking about writing up research, how to properly analyze data, and what conclusions could be drawn from results. And at the end, I can’t help but wonder if the teachers are going to frown at him and mark him down because he didn’t prove his hypothesis correct.
What a day. It’s only 7AM as I finish typing this up. I confess, I worry about keeping a steady blogging habit like this because I don’t want to fall into a pit of rumination that perpetuates the state of being grumbly and overwhelmed. At the same, time, it’s important to write. It’s important to state stuff, digest it, and examine it as objectively as possible.
… I can see the bottom of my second cup of coffee. Time to get some audio edited so that I can finish up contracts and deliver on promises. Promises, I should note, that include those for myself as well as others.