Keeping the creative habit

Based upon last week’s post about accountability and forward-thinking and delivery, I owe an update.

To whom, you might ask? Well… truly, to no one but myself. There isn’t anyone else who’s holding me accountable to being creative, to putting words on a page or voice through the microphone, so it’s all about me. Heavens, that sounds outrageously selfish, but based upon the existentialist stuff I’ve had to read for my psych class this week… it’s supposedly a sign of health, as long as I’m not adhering to outrageous or unattainable expectations.

So, what have I done this week creatively? Um… I found one of my writing partners again. It’s a long story, but this dear friend and I run into cycles of writing. We’d moved out of the cycle and I’d been trying to move on with the story, but honestly… I was terrified that I wouldn’t be able to do it alone. Still, I got to about 14,000 words on this space cowboy story and then… my dear friend returned. Cue JOY and ECSTASY and… fear. SO much fear. Fear that I’d be hated for writing, fear that things couldn’t be the same, fear of not being able to communicate and get the ideas across. Fear, truly, that the magic was gone.

I worry about silly things.

I worried so much that I was unwilling to speak up and say anything… say hello, ask about recent events, etc. When that happens, nothing moves, nothing gets accomplished. Things stagnate. And so… like any wonderful friend, he calls me on it. We start talking, and I start outlining and laying out scenes and plotpoints and delving more into characters. The challenge returns. The thrill of the story returns. A song comes on the radio, and I can hear how it fits a certain character or scene. The little notebook that I have in my purse gets filled with ideas about scenes and personalities and events and “Oh wow, we could do THIS!” comments.

Alive. I guess I feel more alive creatively than last week. I feel like I can accomplish more as an artist and author.

I did finish recording for the horror novella contract, and that will be edited and delivered this week… same goes for the Secret World Chronicle stuff that I recorded last Monday. I’m still committed to doing NaNoWriMo, taking my urban fantasy comic script and putting it to novel form. I got a lead for some more recording, which is very nice.

My professor for my class this term gave a very poignant statement at the start of the semester. He said that psych students (the class is mostly students beginning the PsyD program, so clinical psychology students) should realize that one’s work is not one’s worth, meaning that an individual should not base one’s entire self-value and sense of being/purpose around that which one is paid to do for a profession. While I know that he meant this as a way to tell students to do more than just burrow into stacks of books, I think that the statement came at an important time for me.

Dayjob does not equal worth. Creativity equals worth.

This entry was posted on Monday, October 17th, 2011 at 11:55 am and is filed under academics, time management, writing. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

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